20 Best One-Liner Jokes. I hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain. I, for one, like Roman numerals. I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn’t want to interrupt her. People used to laugh at me when I would say “I want to be a comedian”, well nobody’s laughing now. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. Throwing acid is wrong, in some people’s eyes. My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met. I haven’t slept for three days, because that would be too long. The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself “This changes everything.” My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo. My friend gave me his Epi-Pen as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it. I’ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer, but no one will do it. I saw a sign that said “watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.” I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust. People say I’m condescending. That means I talk down to people. You can never lose a homing pigeon - if your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you’ve lost is a pigeon. Whiteboards are remarkable. I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.
#14 reminded me of the 'Slow Children' signs around the neighborhood I grew up in. I always thought they were warning drivers of Mark, the 'slow' kid who lived up the road, and thought it wasn't very nice to put a sign.
He probably has an appreciation that one liners contain a subtle nuance that most will find funny, such as: "ForistellFord sets the standard by which all others excel!"
From Henny Youngman: 21) I went hunting once, drove around a curve and saw a sign, 'BEAR LEFT.' Disappointed, I went back home. From Rodney Dangerfield, who never got no respect: 22) When I was a kid, my parents were abusive. One year for Christmas, they got me mental blocks. 23) even the cops don't respect me; the other day, I was leaning out my kitchen window, a cop gave me a ticket for mooning.
21 makes no sense. When have you seen a sign saying bear left, bear right, etc. 22 is, meh. 23 is pretty funny.
It makes no sense because you missed the point of the joke--that he was going bear hunting. And the next one was a huge joke for Dangerfield on the Tonight Show, as Johnny and the entire audience we're roaring with laughter
No, I saw that. What if he was going duck hunting, and as he drove around the corner he saw a sign that said DUCK AHEAD. Would the punchline be, "I broke my teeth on the steering wheel!!!! I tell ya, I get no respect. Take my wife.....please!!!"
A bottlecap still on the bottle. Take it off, pour a glass (no, that's not full enough; pour a tad bit more), enjoy it ... and if you're lucky, then they're ALL funny. Joseph