. .All Crumpled Up With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up? "No," said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill. He took the crumpled twenty dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly. She then asked him, "Have you ever seen fifty dollars all crumpled up?" "Uh... No, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice. She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties... and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill. He took the crumpled fifty dollar bill, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation . "Now," she said, "have you ever seen $50,000 dollars all crumpled up?" He said "No!, trying to hide his arousal. She said ...... "Check the garage."
Why would she take the time to crumple up fifty thousand dollars and put it in the garage? Kinda werid.
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who didn't get this. Why would she go through all this trouble? I was expected a crumpled up $100 from her sock next. Who hasn't seen crumpled up currency? Way too many holes in this one to register on the humor scale.
Someone told me this was a good place for a few laughs. Well I been lmao at this post all day! I cant tell who is and who isnt serious. I cant tell if your friends or enemy's. But I can tell you, I now gave a belly ache from laughing, so thanks for that. Now I can forget about my IBS-C for a while...
Everyone is friends here. Folks like to rib others now and again but we're all members of the Ranchero family.
One reason I keep coming back. You guys crack me up! Soooo, as long as were tellin jokes, Fella has a male parrot, wont talk, wont eat, feathers are molting and he gets very worried, The vet ask "how old is he?" Owner says, "about 10 yrs" Vet says, "Has he ever mated?" Owner, "no" Vet says, "that's the problem." Owner takes him to a pet shop, on his arm, Owner asks, "you got a female parrot?" Pet shop owner says, "we sure do" Parrot owner says, "kool, I want to rent her from ya" Pet shop owner looks puzzled so parrot owner explains, Pet shop owner says, "ok, $50 hr" Parrot owner thinks that's a lil high but figure's it's worth to save his $1500 bird. They put both birds in a cage and cloak it, soon, a lot of squawking and rattling with feathers flying Pet shop owner freaks and pulls back the cloak, And there he is, male parrot sittin on top o the female screaming, "FOR $50 AN HOUR, I WANT YOU NAKED, NAKED!!"
Yeah, well, you got me. It's been a while since I 'wrote' a joke out, and I kinda missed a few important words now that I reread it. Right after the "sittin on top o the female" should have been, "plucking her feathers out one by one," then the "screaming, I WANT YOU....bla bla bla". My wife says I tell shitty jokes! Now publicly I admit, it's true...damn that hurts...but I still love my Ranchero...;0)
Well, how about you start with these then. Short, simple. How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it! Rest in peace boiling water. You will be mist! How do you throw a space party? You planet! Want to hear a construction joke? Oh never mind, I'm still working on that one. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! I hate Russian dolls… they're so full of themselves! Talk is cheap? Have you ever talked to a lawyer? Why did the gym close down? It just didn't work out! Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw! A plateau is the highest form of flattery. I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it. You can only get spoiled milk from a pampered cow. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick! You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at. What are shark's two most favorite words? Man overboard! If we shouldn't eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge? Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds. Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through. It's cleaning day so naturally, I've already polished off a whole chocolate bar. What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison! Here, I bought you a calendar. Your days are numbered now. Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed. What did one plate say to his friend? Tonight, dinner's on me! Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory. I tried to sure the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case. What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats. What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse! What is Forest Gump's password? 1Forest1. Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie. What did one traffic light say to the other? Stop looking! I am changing! What do you call bears with no ears? B. What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper! Why do French people eat snails? They don't like fast food! What's red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator! I invented a new word today. Plagiarism. What is sticky and brown? A stick! Why doesn't the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees! I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me. I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work. What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell! Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin. How do trees get online? They just log on! Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it's the whole sentence. My girlfriend treats me like God. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something. Where does the sheep get his hair cut? The baa baa shop! Why did the orange stop? It ran out of juice! I never make mistakes. …I thought I did once; but I was wrong. What dd the man in the moon do when his hair got too long? Eclipse it! What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt!
That was funny. Funnier than the original post. Good for you. I think they mean the feathers. So a parrot ripping off the feathers of another is hilarious. Now do you get it?
Yup, definatly good fer a few laughs! Glad I joined this forum. I think most of us could be friends. Y'alls sense o humor is as bad/sick as mine! Lol