Funny

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by beerbelly, Nov 4, 2020.

  1. plumcolr

    plumcolr In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    There were two statues in a park, one of a naked man, and one of a naked woman. They had been facing each other for a hundred years across a pathway, when one day an angel comes down, and with a single gesture brings the two to life.


    The angel tells them, “As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you’ve wished to do the most.”

    He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
    The angel tells them, “Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?” He asks her “Shall we?” She eagerly replies, “Oh, yes, lets! But lets change positions. This time, I’ll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head.”

    .
     
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  2. beerbelly

    beerbelly In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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  3. beerbelly

    beerbelly In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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  4. plumcolr

    plumcolr In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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  5. beerbelly

    beerbelly In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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  6. handy_andy_cv64

    handy_andy_cv64 In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    That's far more telling than just "dynamiting the brakes."
     
  7. beerbelly

    beerbelly In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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  8. RancheroRandy

    RancheroRandy In Maximum Overdrive

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    Wow!...can I relate to that! I had an Uncle Joe who worked at my father's lumber mill and he was, how shall I say? USELESS and dangerous!
     
  9. RancheroRandy

    RancheroRandy In Maximum Overdrive

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  10. beerbelly

    beerbelly In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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  11. plumcolr

    plumcolr In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

    He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

    When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

    The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time..."

    The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas somewhere.

    When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.

    So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

    The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

    The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.

    He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

    One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. (I know, a tear is coming to my eye too)

    All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

    When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

    The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

    "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife

    and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

    "Hasn't affected my brothers though...." (H/T Legally Sufficient)
     
  12. beerbelly

    beerbelly In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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  13. handy_andy_cv64

    handy_andy_cv64 In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    We're just sphincter muscles when we, who have long nosed cars, do that. I did that once, with Babe, PO'd a Karen pushing her Hellspawn in a stroller. I simply ignored her....
     
  14. 1978GT

    1978GT In Fourth Gear GOLD MEMBER

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    Looks like it's parked at an angle. If straight in, the bumper might hit the wall before the tires hit the curb!
     
  15. handy_andy_cv64

    handy_andy_cv64 In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    Wouldn't be the first time! And I've also been known to back Babe into a spot, if I've added air to the shock bags....;)
     
  16. beerbelly

    beerbelly In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    Maybe not so much funny as freakin' dangerous...

    311950770_629028322010207_2197323792232119400_n.jpg
     
  17. Hillbilly

    Hillbilly In Maximum Overdrive

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    That almost wins the internet for today. No way in Hades is that truck and trailer rated for that much weight. I would love to be a fly on the wall watching a DOT cop writing out the tickets the idiot deserves for loading that hot mess.
     
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  18. beerbelly

    beerbelly In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    I gotta give the guy style points for the Deere in the front bucket...
     
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  19. handy_andy_cv64

    handy_andy_cv64 In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    I honestly wish my Uncle Marsh were still alive; he was an Idaho trooper, and he had pulled a guy over once on the Couer d'Alene Reservation, somewhere along US 95, for pulling a 60' mobile home, loaded to the gills with his possessions, with a Fifties Chevy half-ton stake truck. The guy must've just stayed in First, no upshifts. Anyway, this was in the days before the ticket printers; he said his hand hurt for a few days.
     
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  20. plumcolr

    plumcolr In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    What !! They're all chained down - - -
     

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