Joke of the Day

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by colnago, Oct 11, 2019.

  1. beerbelly

    beerbelly In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    Crotch grenade....
     
  2. handy_andy_cv64

    handy_andy_cv64 In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    Followed by the lunching of the aforementioned crotch grenade.
     
  3. Clark

    Clark In Maximum Overdrive

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    So if a husband is lost in the middle of the desert 63 miles from anyone and he opens his mouth to speak, is he still wrong?
     
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  4. TestDummy

    TestDummy In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    Ask this husband.....
     
  5. handy_andy_cv64

    handy_andy_cv64 In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    I read somewhere that the jump stunt was the longest car jump in Hollywood history at that time, and it destroyed the jump car, despite heavy reinforcement.
     
  6. TestDummy

    TestDummy In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    We all know it was wrecked. Remember, Clark got robbed by the guys who repaired it.

     
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  7. handy_andy_cv64

    handy_andy_cv64 In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    I'm talking about in reality, not as part of the movie. I also seem to recall the stuntman busted his back on landing/impact.
     
  8. TestDummy

    TestDummy In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    She was real. No joke.

    [​IMG]
     
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  9. Huevos

    Huevos In Maximum Overdrive

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    Interesting video,
    Watch the Donkey tap the screen..
    [​IMG]
     
  10. handy_andy_cv64

    handy_andy_cv64 In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    Bumped into this on YouTube. Some darned good ones in here:

     
  11. handy_andy_cv64

    handy_andy_cv64 In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    "Jokingly, he said, 'Happy Thanksgiving. Now go get stuffed, ya bunch of turkeys!'"

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
     
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  12. Huevos

    Huevos In Maximum Overdrive

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    It snowed last night...
    8:00 am: I made a snowman.
    8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
    8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
    8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
    8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
    8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
    8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
    8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
    8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .
    8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
    8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
    8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
    8:45 - TV news crew from CBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
    9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
    9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
    9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.
    By noon it all melted
    Moral:
    There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.
     
  13. colnago

    colnago In Maximum Overdrive

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    Huevos,

    It would be funny if it weren't true!
     
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  14. Huevos

    Huevos In Maximum Overdrive

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  15. 72GTVA

    72GTVA Administrator Staff Member

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  16. TestDummy

    TestDummy In Maximum Overdrive SILVER MEMBER

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    Depends what you drive. Duh. Your Mustang takes the juice, by the way.
     
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  17. 72GTVA

    72GTVA Administrator Staff Member

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    Six speed manual takes "the juice" - got it.
     
  18. Kris S.

    Kris S. In Second Gear

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  19. Huevos

    Huevos In Maximum Overdrive

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    New joke I heard today - Pretty Good
    A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi, just as it's going by.

    As he gets into the taxi, the cabbie says, "Impeccable timing. You're just like Frank."

    Passenger: "Who?"

    Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

    Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

    Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

    Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special."

    Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.”

    Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!"

    Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

    Passenger: "How did you meet him?"

    Cabbie: "I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife."
     
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  20. Basstrix

    Basstrix In Maximum Overdrive BRONZE MEMBER

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    Hey's married to Joy Behar???
     

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