Discussion in 'Lounge' started by colnago, Oct 11, 2019.
Know why nurses always carry a red crayon?
'Cause they often have to draw blood.
Three Ranchero guys (I won’t name names here) die together in a tragic accident on their way home from the Fabulous Fords Forever Car show. Naturally, as Ford guys, all three go to Heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says “We only have one rule here in heaven - do not step on the ducks!”
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they try their best to avoid them, the first Ranchero guy accidentally steps on a Mallard. Well, along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman to ever be seen. St. Peter chains them together and says “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman (who immediately begins telling him about the attributes of her cherished Nova)!”
The next day, the second Ranchero guy accidentally steps on a Black Scoter and in comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly woman complaining non-stop about her worthless Explorer. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.
The third Ranchero guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly Cheby woman, is very careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks. And then one day St.Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on - a quiet shapely blond with long eyelashes and legs up to forever. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The smirking Ranchero guy says “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?” The woman says “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”
Third guy is Foristell Ford, right?
I'm good with that.
I wished it was me, actually. I wonder if that story had more than three Ranchero members in it?
I think it's the only story ever that's had three Ranchero owners in it. Well, I think there was one other...
Better than most jokes that appear here.
A gentleman was sitting on a park bench on a beautiful day in spring enjoying the day when a young man sat down with rainbow hair and the gentleman could not take his eyes off of him. the kid having enough said what's the matter you've never seen hair like mine.... the gentleman said I used to be wild in my younger days and had sex with a parrot I was just wondering if you were my son.
Hahahahahah, because he had colored hair like feathers. I get it!!!!
But her name is Caitlin and "Shes" from California.........
I remember running with Jenner a few times back in the mid 70s...I knew there was something odd about him (yes him) back then...
Not so good with that.
Ok, How about One of "her" Step Daughters ? Kim is available.
Why does Rob always go 'that way'? Must be a California thing.
Liam O’Toole applied for a forklift job at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.
A Norwegian applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.
When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.
The manager went to O’Toole and said: “Thank you for coming to the interview, but we’ve decided to give the Norwegian the job.”
And why would you be doing that? replied O’Toole, “We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job?”
The manager responded, “We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong.”
“And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?”
That’s simple. On question number 7 the Norwegian wrote down – ‘I don’t know.’
You put down – ‘Neither do I.’
That is funny.
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Two (not to be named here) Ranchero guys were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.
After a while the first guy says to the second, "If I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday and make love to your wife while you was
off to the car show and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The second guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it sure would make us even."
Clark, yer onna roll !!
Separate names with a comma.