20 Best One-Liner Jokes. I hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain. I, for one, like Roman numerals. I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn’t want to interrupt her. People used to laugh at me when I would say “I want to be a comedian”, well nobody’s laughing now. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. Throwing acid is wrong, in some people’s eyes. My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met. I haven’t slept for three days, because that would be too long. The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself “This changes everything.” My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo. My friend gave me his Epi-Pen as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it. I’ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer, but no one will do it. I saw a sign that said “watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.” I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust. People say I’m condescending. That means I talk down to people. You can never lose a homing pigeon - if your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you’ve lost is a pigeon. Whiteboards are remarkable. I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.