An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"
So I was at the store earlier with my service dog. The lady in front of me at checkout had about $200 worth of toilet paper in her shopping cart. With an attitude she asked me what type of dog I had. I told her it was my service dog. Then she got real snarky and said, I knew that. What type of service? I said he was a BLD. By now he was licking her face and hands being super friendly. She said, what is a BLD? I told her it stood for Butt Licking Dog. She said Butt Licking Dog? I said yeah, he has been trained to lick my butt clean because I can't seem to be able to find toilet paper because of hoarders. The cashier completely lost it.
I can't remember the whole poem, but in an outhouse that was on my aunt and uncle's property, there was a poem scrawled on the wall, and all I can remember was the last two lines, something like "And if y'all gonna be TP hogs/We just gonna hafta resort to catalogs."
I saw this on the back of an end dump hauling scrap metal: Keep on texting and driving at the same tine, and I will see you soon.
That reminds of a story told to me today at Cars and Coffee: I spoke to a gentleman who with his daughter went to Bowling Green to pick up a new 2020 'Vette...he got 3 miles from the plant after getting it and a girl blew through a red light and totaled his new toy. Of course she had her head down reading a text! Fortunately no one was injured. Certainly must be the record for the soonest wreckage...?!
How about only making it almost 100 yards ? Salesman got into a new 69 KR Shelby Mustang here at the Ford dealer, pulled out on the street then tromped it. He only took out three new trucks and another car before the pieces quit flying. Carl actually bought that Shelby and repaired it, his daughter still has it today.
Yeah, I remember reading about that years ago. What a moron. Reminds me of Get Smart, and the KR they had on the show...Max goes to honk the horn, and ends up firing the machine guns!
The Shelby wasn't enough. The dealership got in a true 427 aluminum body A/C Cobra and the same Carl and the owner's son just had to take it out for a test run. The Cobra had amazing acceleration and huge brakes - - BUT, those brakes didn't do squat because of the inferior tires that came on that car. They made it two blocks before leaving close to three hundred feet of skid marks before plowing under an elderly lady's Coronet as she pulled out of Uncle Francis Frazerand's Dodge dealership. The Cobra got repaired but both of the guys were forbidden from driving any more of the performance cars at the Ford dealer. I can't imagine why ?
Dunno if true but heard different stories over the years of big-block cobras not making it much more than a mile from the dealer lot. 289's would be about all I'd try to handle. How about "there are old cobra drivers there are bold cobra drivers there are no old bold cobra drivers."
Not really funny at all but similar to what Hillbilly was talking about. Guy does a burnout leaving a cars and coffee event in his late model Challenger, and fishtails into a pick-up causing it to flip;
